Saturday, August 05, 2006

x_x X Games, Mummies

I watched something like 4 or 5 straight hours of TV last night/this morning, including The Mummy. Thoughts on that later, but first, a few words on the X Games.

The Skate Best Vert Trick... what a waste of fucking time. It's basically six of the best skateboarders in the world doing tricks for half an hour straight. Sounds like a winner right? Good idea in theory, horrible in reality. I think four tricks were pulled off during the entire event. So for every eight minutes, there was one successful attempt. Even Nate Robinson and The Birdman think that's inefficient.

Shaun White tried to do a 1080° but failed. He wasn't really that close to pulling it off, and thank goodness the crowd didn't cheer Tomato on for more attempts after time ran out. The whole 1080° thing felt forced and gimmicky, as opposed to Tony Hawk's 900° in 2001, where the crowd, boarders and announcers were all into it.

Speaking of Tony, he was a commentator for the event. He kept saying after every fail attempt that the skater "was committed," which means Tony repeated the line a couple hundred times during the broadcast. Honestly, it looked like a lot of the participants were bailing out near the end. Hard to blame them, though. It must be a bitch mentally and physically knowing you're trying to do something in front of millions that has a 96% chance of failing.

And why the hell are the X Games always in Los Angeles now? LA sucks. Furthermore, a lot of the events take place inside Staples Center. It used to be cool that every year the X Games had a different host city, and a lot of the events (especially skateboarding) would be outside. The X Games used to have an awesome barnstorming circus quality to it. Nowadays, it's just another money-making opportunity for Disney. As if The Shaggy Dog wasn't enough. The X Games are like the And 1 Mixtape Tour in that both need to happen outdoors. Streetball and extreme sports have too much of a corporate-feel to them inside giant arenas. I mean, it's fucking called "streetball!" Rage against the machine Bob Burnquist and The Professor!

Dana Jacobson was in Staples reporting in a X Games t-shirt. I once considered her one of my favorite ESPN people. Then she started doing Cold Pizza. Now this?

Every time I'm convinced the X Games is a bogus bummer, someone pulls off a crazy stunt that makes the whole thing worthwhile. This year it was Travis Pastrana, who goes and pulls off this doozy. Literally left my mouth ajar.

After watching the X Games I planned on watching Hoosiers, but the channel it was on had fuzzy reception. TNT was showing The Mummy for the 427th time (only topped in appearances on TV by Coming to America on Comedy Central), so I figured why not?

I didn't have high expectations going into The Mummy, and rightfully so. The first half was actually pretty good: the backstory was interesting, the comedic timing was there, Rachel Weisz was hot. The action scenes were iffy (too many close-ups and quick shots) and the special FX were corny, but overall quite enjoyable. Then the second half chugged along and made things almost unbareable. I stopped focusing on the movie and started pondering stuff like, "Hey, if water started turning into blood and locust started appearing in large swarms, why didn't anyone outside of Egypt ask for help? I mean, even if the film takes place in 1926, couldn't someone in Cairo morse code for help or something? Where were the fucking reinforcements?"

Also I kept wondering, "When the hell did Brock Berlin become an action hero?

As bad as the Berlin years were, things might get even worse for Miami. Considering the Hurricanes' recent past and present, their fans might want to avoid the 2006-2007 season like the plague. Otherwise they might end up looking like this.

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