The saddest of all possible words are not "Tinker to Evers to Chance" but "Jeff Weaver gets the start today."
UPDATE 5/3/07: Nightmare Weaver (because he sure as hell ain't weaving dreams) is scheduled to start against the Yankees in the Bronx Saturday. There are no guarantees in sports, but there's a 99.8% chance Jeff's 85-mph "fastballs" get shellacked. .1% accounts for rain and the other .1% in case an alien invasion.
UPDATE 5/5/07: Nightmare gives up a half-dozen runs in less than six innings... and his ERA drops to 15.35. Way to go Weaver.
UPDATE 5/10/07: Nightmare does it again: 5 innings, 10 hits, 6 earned runs, 2 homers and the loss. Weaver is now 0-6 for the year with a 14.32 ERA. Honestly, this may be the worst six starts to begin a season ever.
UPDATE 5/11/07: Nightmare goes on the DL with what the team is calling right shoulder tendinitis. I call it perpetual sucking.
UPDATE 6/3/07: The Nightmare in the Northwest returns with a vengeance! Jeff completed a simulated game Sunday and is likely to return to the rotation.
UPDATE 6/8/07: Nightmare pitches tomorrow against Seattle's interleague rival (???) San Diego. Weaver should perform better after sitting out a few weeks to get his mechanics and psyche in check. Also the Padres are a NL team. Then again, color me unconvinced.
UPDATE 6/9/07: Nightmare's line for the night: 4 IP, 2 hits, 2 runs (one earned), no walks and three strikeouts. Not bad at all. Jeff left the game early due to tightness in his lower back.
UPDATE 6/14/07: Nightmare pitched against the Cubbies today. Don't be fooled by the decent numbers (6 IP, 10 hits, 3 earned runs, one walk, two strikeouts); Weaver was awful. He was chucking 75 mph meatballs. Nightmare was lucky to only give up six extra base hits. His "quality start" however, probably earns him more play. So today's loss is actually like a double loss.
UPDATE 6/21/07: "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!" Jeff not only earns his first win of the game but does it in fantastic fashion, hurling a four-hit shutout against the Pirates. Whether or not his stuff was any better compared to his previous starts remains to be seen, but one sure can't complain about the results.
UPDATE 6/26/07: "Two in a row! Two in a row!" Mariners fans cried out in the streets. Last night Weaver had a solid effort against a stellar Red Sox lineup, allowing only one earned run in 5 2/3 innings on his way to his second consecutive win.