Tuesday, February 12, 2008

How Jose Canseco Convinced Roger Clemens to Use Steroids (According to The Simpsons)

"Hi Jose Canseco. I'm Roger Clemens."

"Heh. I rocked you today."

"Yea, you took me real deep. How'd you get so strong and handsome all of a sudden?"
"Steroids and Human Growth Hormone. They're awesome."

"Isn't that stuff bad? I heard performance-enhancing drugs cause hair loss, muscle spasms, headaches and dementia."

"Wicked awesome."
"Hmm. Let me see if my black doctor has any illegal drugs."

"Foo have you lost yo damn mind?! Don't you understand the physiological and emotional consequences of injecting foreign substances into your body?!"

"Don't do it Rog. I used to be able to hit and run and leap and laugh. Now look at me. I'm as weak as a woman, forever confined to this smelly mattress. Don't make the same mistake I made. Promise me."

"I don't need steroids! I'll prove to everyone all you need to succeed is hard work and determi-"

"Woo hoo! You suck Clemens!"

"My name is Brian McNamee. Jose said you needed some help..."

"The needle goes right there."

"The power. I feel the power!"

"Until your butt gets injected with chemicals you'll never be as good as me. Ha, ha, ha."



Hick Flick said...

I always knew that trip to Springfield would come back to haunt Clemens.

Billy said...

Most ballplayers today are taking homeopathic human growth hormone oral spray because it's safe, undetectable, and legal for over the counter sales. As time goes on it seems it might be considered as benign a performance enhancer as coffee, aspirin, red bull, chewing tobacco, and bubble gum.