Monday, January 26, 2009

The Clean-Up Crew

I worked on this. "The Clean-Up Crew" is a dark comedy that follows Frank's Crime Scene Steam-N-Clean -- the guys who come in after CSI. They're the ones who leave homicides, suicides, decomposing bodies or the occasional meth lab looking spotless.

If you like it consider showing it to your friends and families. Thanks.

UPDATE: Episode 5 is up!

Episode 1


Episode 2


Episode 3 part 1


Episode 3 part 2


Episode 4


Episode 5

Friday, January 23, 2009

Two Scary Thoughts on the Mariners

15 and 95. That's the number of home runs and RBI the projected outfield of Endy Chavez, Franklin Gutierrez and Ichiro Suzuki produced in 2008. That's basically Josh Hamilton at the All-Star Break. While I am excited about the elite defense that the speedy trio will provide, baseball is about run scoring and run prevention. With Raul Ibanez's bat no longer in the middle of the lineup this offense has a chance to be frighteningly bad.

Carlos Silva is doing yoga. This guy has been stretching and moving his body in unusual positions. I might have nightmares tonight as my mind conjures up these ghastly images. But supposedly the self-proclaimed Chef Chief has lost 20 pounds this offseason. Of course, this is the same dude who ate 4 triple cheeseburgers in one sitting last year. Then again, it was In-N-Out Burger. I mean, can you blame anyone for gorging at the finest fast food place around?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Influence of NFL Chaplains

A PR firm sent me a Newsmax article about NFL chaplains. Why people in New York believe I have any influence on anything is beyond me, but anyway...

It's an interesting little read. Certainly a nice break from the playoff coverage that's currently dominating NFL headlines. My favorite part of the article is the first thing you notice; a photograph of the 2007 Indianapolis Colts huddled in the locker room following their Super Bowl victory. Amidst the championship apparel, garbage cans and the gleaming Lombardi Trophy former coach Tony Dungy leads his team in prayer.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

When Making It Rain Goes Wrong

Adam Pacman Jones was released from the Dallas Cowboy this week after the team learned of new allegations against the troubled player.

According to a ESPN report that will premiere Sunday on "Outside the Lines" Jones ordered a hit at an Atlanta strip club following an altercation in June 2007. Three men who left the club were inside a vehicle when it was riddled with bullets. Police, citing insufficient evidence, have never charged anyone in the crime.

This shooting occurred during Pacman's suspension for off-the-field issues, which included a shooting at a Las Vegas strip club that left a bouncer paralyzed.

Strip clubs equal trouble. It's a shame Pacman never learned from the mistakes of Carlton Banks and the Fresh Prince:

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

PTI Misses the Point

I listened to yesterday's PTI with great interest. I always love hearing Kornheiser and Wilbon, but I was particularly interested in what they had to say about Barkley's situation.

At the 18:30 mark the dynamic duo finally touched on the subject. Incredulously neither mentioned the oral sex or loaded handgun aspects of the arrest. They go on to chastise him for not having a designated driver and say he shouldn't suffer much for his most recent transgression.

By listening to PTI one is led to believe all Barkley got in trouble for is suspicion of DUI. But that's not the point. The bigger issue is that he had a loaded handgun in the car and tried to get oral sex from a woman who wasn't his wife. People critical of Barkley argue that his past transgressions and current misbehavior should be more scrutinized by fans and the media. Sooner or later, the vast leeway accorded to Chuck will disappear. Society can tolerate only so many screwups.

Inside the NBA returns to the air next Thursday. It will be an intriguing show as always, but for an altogether different reason.

UPDATE: Only an hour after this post Deadspin offers a glimpse into the philanthropic side of Barkley, writing about how Barkley helped those devastated by California wildfires. I'm also reminded of the time Barkley paid for a busboy's college education. Of course there were also the times Chuck racked up a $400,000 gambling debt and shoved a man through a window. He's certainly quite a character.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Best of The B.S. Report (UPDATE)

The NFL playoffs are well underway, which means that ESPN's Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy) will be kicking it into high gear with his podcast, The B.S. Report. It's my favorite sports podcast and I constantly listen to the archives.

UPDATE: ESPN now has a complete archive. Also check out my favorite five episodes of The B.S. Report.

I highly encourage you to check out all of the old stuff. Most of it is hilarious (except the Tony Stewart podcast. That one sucks). Anyway, here's a collection of some of my favorite quotes from the past twenty months of The B.S. Report:


"[Mike Tyson] could barely contain himself and I started to get worried that he was -- I don't know -- that he was going to grab [Ali Landry] and we were going to have the first televised rape. I didn't know what was going to happen. I remember looking around my desk and thinking, 'if I have to stop this how am I going to handle this?' I mean my security team is a 73-year-old man and a 112-pound illegal immigrant. I'm not gonna get any help from them and I remember looking at the phone. I had one of those big, heavy, old-time phones on my desk and thinking 'oh, I'll pick this up and hit him in the head.'" - Jimmy Kimmel on 7/12/07


"The reason why that no [football] team is gonna work in Los Angeles is we have two segments of society in Los Angeles. We have transplants from Boston and New York and Philly and Indiana who all already have their own teams and make everyone around them painfully aware of it all the time -- Bill Simmons wearing a Boston shirt right now -- and then we have Mexicans. That's all we have." - Adam Carolla on 9/4/07

"You know our governor of Connecticut wrote to the owner of the Red Sox asking for a rally in Hartford so look for me on the news there. I’ll be the guy in the Phantom of the Opera mask crashing the stage." - Diehard Yankees fan JackO on 11/1/07

Bill Simmons on 12/12/07: Yea if you're watching "Hannah Montana" and there's not a kid around it's like going into Chuck E. Cheese and ordering a burger by yourself. There's just something immediately wrong with it.

Jake Gyllenhaal’s the worst actor in America. I challenge anybody to tell me… he’s got one face, whether he just figured out who the Zodiac killer is or if he’s *long extended bleep* It’s the same face. - Mysterious Brad on 1/15/08

Bill Simmons on 4/10/08: And I'd also like to say you know my daughter, who's gonna turn 3 in a month, if twenty years from now she's ever at one of these ["The Real World"] reunion shows and is nominated [for Biggest Playa] and has that same reaction... there aren't enough bullets for my gun.

Bill Simmons on 9/23/08: You know I pushed for [Xander] for my son’s name. That was in my final five. I really like the whole X thing and the X man.
Rich Eisen: That’s what we call him. The X man.
BS: Yea. I thought that was a great play…
RE: X factor.
BS: …and my wife voted against it.
RE: What did you go with instead?
BS: Uhh, we went with LeBill.
RE: With who?
BS: LeBill. L-E… no we didn’t. We went with DaBill.
RE: You added the syllable in the front of the name is what you did basically.
BS: I found that the Le and Da is really going in directions that delight me to no end.
RE: Like LeDaiquiri and stuff like that?
BS: Yea it’s like really there’s no rules anymore with the Le, the Da and the Ma. It could go in any conceivable direction. Like you can have a guy on the Jaguars named LeSteve and you don’t even think twice.
RE: Like LeJohn McCain?

Thursday, January 01, 2009

I Know One Person in His Fave Five

Happy New Year David Stern!

Charles Barkley was arrested for suspicion of DUI a few days ago. But the story doesn't stop there.

The Smoking Gun has the full police report, which includes this damning tidbit:

According to the officer who wrote the report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat."

The officer continues: "He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job. He then explained that she had given him a 'blow job' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."


Also there was a loaded handgun found in the vehicle. While Arizona has lax weapons laws, it is illegal to have a gun in a car unless it is holstered. Even the outlandish Barkley shouldn't escape punishment. I would expect a suspension from TNT or even perhaps termination depending on the charges.