Sunday, September 13, 2009

Football Fans in Ohio had a Bad Weekend

Michigan 38, Notre Dame 34
The 18th-ranked Fighting Irish mismanage the game clock late and allow Wolverine true freshman Tate Forcier to connect on a touchdown pass with 11 seconds to go.

Southern California 18, Ohio State 15
After being dominated by the Buckeye defense true freshman Matt Barkley and the Trojans march ninety yards in the final minutes to escape the Horseshoe with the victory.

Boise State 48, Miami (OH) 0
The Broncos shut out the RedHawks on the Blue Turf.

Minnesota 34, Cleveland 20
Adrian Peterson gashes the Browns for 180 yards and three touchdowns and Brett Favre earns the win in his Vikings debut.

Denver 12, Cincinnati 7



Seriously?

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dodgers Rotation Not Built for a Championship

The Dodgers find themselves in an unusual position: worrying about making the playoffs. LA surged early in the season, building a double-digit lead on its punchless division rivals. But following a recent Mets-esque freefall the Blue Crew finds itself only two games ahead of the surging Rockies in the NL West.

While Los Angeles should cruise into the playoffs thanks to a 6.5 game lead over wild card leader San Francisco the team is looking at a short October run thanks to a patchwork starting rotation consisting of an untested Chad Billingsley, the talented but erratic Clayton Kershaw... and then who? The oft-injured Hiroki Kuroda? Randy Wolf, master of the no decision? Knuckleballer Charlie Haeger? Unspectacular Jon Garland? The wretched Jeff Weaver? Resident jackass and swine flu carrier Vicente Padilla?

In the first round the Dodgers will face either St. Louis or Philadelphia. Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainwright and Joel Pineiro. Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels and J.A. Happ. Either way when playoff rotations slim down to a trio of arms LA will be outmatched in almost every pitching matchup.

A talented lineup and strong bullpen can cover up for a bad starting rotation for the regular season but those same flaws are exposed during a seven-game series... and the Dodgers are going to find out the hard way.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Tyson Advertisement Comes With a Sports Column

After clicking on today's NFL column by SI writer Ross Tucker this came up:


Give credit to Tyson, this ad campaign is certainly memorable.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Adam Carolla's Epic Rant About ESPN Banning Bill Simmons and Dave Dameshek From His Podcast (UPDATE #3)

On today's Adam Carolla podcast with Teresa Strasser and Bald Bryan (and with guest Cris Collinsworth) the conversation turned into a giant, expletive-filled rant by Carolla as he accuses the bosses at ESPN for banning his friends (and WWL personalities) Bill Simmons and Dave Dameshek from the show. Here's the blow-by-blow account starting around the 42-minute mark.

Or... you can check out this clip:




Carolla
And speaking of Bill Simmons let me go on this jag for just one second. Bill Simmons is, you know, from ESPN's The Sports Guy. Also Dave Dameshek's on ESPN as well. I think.

Bald Bryan
On the radio.

Carolla
Yea. He does a podcast as well. Bill Simmons and Dave Dameshek have both been banned from doing this show from their bosses.

Teresa
Yea Bill told me. Yea. He said it got too jizzy.

Carolla
“I’ve been banned!”

Teresa
Too much jizz talk.

Carolla
It was too jizz-laden.

Teresa
For ABC which owns ESPN.

Carolla
But here’s the thing. Dameshek got banned from doing this show too. Now let me just say a little something to the retards who call themselves the bosses over there. Now we live in a fucking time where everyone does that “good call, good call, good call.” You’re running a fucking business, okay? This is one of the most popular podcasts on the internet. Your two clients -- Bill Simmons does a podcast. Popular. Probably not as popular as this podcast but popular. And Dave Dameshek does a podcast as well. Not nearly as popular as Bill Simmons but he still does a podcast. Now, you guys generate income via those podcasts. We share the same audience essentially. I mean you know, white guys who don’t have delicate sensibilities, are in their 30’s and like to play fantasy football.

Teresa
Sure there’s no white guy in his thirties who does not read Bill Simmons.

Carolla
And doesn’t like to make fun of a culture or an ethnicity different than his own. We share a lot of the same audience. When I do Bill Simmons’ show I get his audience and when he does my show he gets my audience and so on and so forth. Now, Bill Simmons came on this show and said something last time that may have pissed off way less than one fucking percent of his audience. Way less than one percent. People go one percent? Well, there’s thousands of people that listen to his podcast. I guarantee he didn’t get one shitty letter for every hundred people that were listening to the podcast.

Teresa
Why would his audience care about jizz talk?

Carolla
That’s the whole thing! They’re a bunch of guys who love beer. And the only thing they love more than beer is bone-crushing hits. They love it when LT’s coming around the backside and there’s a compound fracture of Theismann’s shin bone.

Teresa
Yea, he’s not the poet laureate.

Carolla
This is what fucking drives me nuts about these retards and it’s all sports, not just ESPN. They’re so fucking sanctimonious. Look, your audience -- predominately made up of alcoholic gamblers. Who don't pay enough attention to their kids and family and who really would prefer a night with Tom Brady over their own wife sexually. Honestly. And who sit around all Sunday with their like-minded friends and get loaded and make racial jokes and off-color jokes and sexist jokes and misogynist jokes.

Bald Bryan
A lot of fun.

Carolla
Yea, it's a lot of fun. That's what you do. That’s your fucking audience. Stop pretending like they’re not those people number one. I guarantee everyone who reads Bill Simmons’ column or who listens to his podcast or Dave Dameshek’s podcast, column, whatever are not what you call delicate. Their sensibilities are not delicate. They’re not born-again Christians, they’re not Jehovah Witnesses. They’re nothing of the sort. They’re just regular guys and the kind of guys that we spend every Sunday with over at Kimmel’s watching games. You would literally have to lynch someone in front of them to offend them and even then they would probably [inaudible]. That's who you're dealing with. But no, you’re so worried. Well clearly it's overcompensation. Because you’re dealing with a sport where half the guys in the league are criminals and the other half are becoming criminals. They all beat the fuck outta their girlfriends in college and when they got to the pros they ran over someone when they were drunk. They’re completely overcompensating for a violent sport that’s filled with violent people. So they overcompensate and they don’t want Bill Simmons coming on this show. And then they banned Dave Dameshek from coming on this show. And everyone applauds that executive. “Oh that was a shrewd move.” No it wasn’t you fucking retard! You just lost money! Because one guy wrote a shitty letter or five guys wrote a shitty letter you have now alienated the thousands of people who enjoyed Bill Simmons on this show and who are possibly and potentially new ears for his podcast and new eyeballs for his column. And who can generate more income for your shitty company. So whoever made that decision you’re a fucking retard! You’re not a hero you’re a fucking idiot. And whoever your bosses are should be pissed off. Not happy about it. They should be pissed off. Because it’s a fucking business! It’s not a church! It’s not like, "well we have certain standards, we have to make people feel a certain way." It's none of that! It’s a pure and simple business. With shareholders and bosses and CEOs and board rooms and you've made a horrible fucking business decision. Made a shitty fucked up business decision. You’ve taken a couple of voices and put them above thousands of voices.

Teresa
I’d be curious to see who wrote in to complain. If anyone.

Carolla
First off, there could be no one. It doesn’t have to be anyone.

Theresa
Right.

Carolla
Secondly in today's email world it’s so fucking easy just to fire something off and fire it off multiple times. And these people, these lemmings, these pussies they respond to that shit. But the silent majority never gets heard.

Teresa
Right. Now that the dust had settled – or the jizz or whatever. Do you think he could ask his bosses to let him back on if they were to try to keep it a little more PG slash R?

Carolla
I’m sure with time but let’s not forget Dave Dameshek was scheduled to come on this show last week and his fucking pussy hack retard bosses said, “no he can’t come on this show.”

Theresa
What did he do?

Carolla
He is under the umbrella of ESPN and they don’t want any of their family to come on. So genius if you hear this or if anyone who knows this person and wants to pass it along let me send a personal message to you. Dear retard fucking hack. Good. Dave Dameshek, who’s in 59th place on iTunes in the sports column and will never, ever crack the top fucking 25 can now not go on a show that’s perennial top ten show and by the way I do a podcast, so the people who listen to this program are well-versed in the podcast thing.

Teresa
Absolutely. Not only that but Dameshek’s fans listen to your show.

Carolla.
Right. So anyway dear retard who should get fucking fired for making horrible business decisions and losing potentially thousands of dollars for his clients. You are not a hero. You’re an idiot. And if it was up to me I would shit can your pussy weak ass. And by the way is this why you got into the business? To make cowardly decisions based on a couple emails from, you know, Shirley what’s her name and her religious…

Teresa
Phelps?

Carolla
Shirley Phelps. Good luck, you’re a pussy. You’re a pussy. Do you like that? You like when you wake up in the morning and you look in the mirror and see a big fat fucking pussy staring back at you? Does your wife know she's married to a pussy? To you. Does your kids know that daddy’s a pussy? Awesome. Get a job and just become a giant fucking fat pussy. Good! Dameshek can go ahead and languish in 59th place and Bill Simmons won’t get any new ears on his podcast via my show. Great decisions retards. Anything else you’d like to fuck up? Thank you.

Teresa
That’s a rhetorical question. You end there?

Carolla
No, I’m assuming there are more things they would like to fuck up.

Bald Bryan
Long list.

Carolla
Yea I’m looking at the top 25 on iTunes and I don't see Dameshek's or Bill Simmons anywhere on that fucking list but I see my name on that fucking list you fucking pussy retards. All right, anyway. Fucking idiots. Yea find out, tell me where the B.S. Report is and tell me where Dameshek is. All right, he’s number what… 47. All right.

Teresa
You’re generally in top…

Carolla
Top ten. You’re not going to let number 47 on the show and then good luck finding Dave Dameshek and wherever he is on that list cuz I don’t know if that goes deep enough. And I like Dave Daveshek but look I don’t know if he’s in the top 100.

Teresa
Listen I mean I have a pregnancy blog. That is something your fans would be into.

Carolla
Dave Dameshek is not in the top 100. So nice job pussy retard. Fantastic job running your fucking business. Don’t let number 47 and number 147 in on a top ten show.

Teresa
Right. I was just going to say my hits double when I’m on your podcast and I have a pregnancy blog. That’s something that your listeners probably don’t give a fuck about whereas they’d be into this.

Bald Bryan
It’s very niche.

Teresa
It's very niche. Whereas of course your listeners would be into Bill Simmons and of course Dave Dameshek.

Carolla
And well also look, the reality is -- I’m trying to find where Dave Dameshek is. Look, who are we offending?

Teresa
I’m trying to say on the high road! It’s uncomfortable.

Carolla
What about the people that want to see – people love me and Dameshek together and they love me and Bill Simmons together.

Teresa
Yea.

Carolla
Now one percent of the people -- he’s 31 in sports. But that means...

Teresa
That’s good!

Carolla
No, that’s 31 in the category of sports. That’s Dave Dameshek. Let me explain how these categories work. The Hammer is not in the top 100 on Amazon. But if you go to comedy and then you go to sports comedy.

Bald Bryan
Boxing! Predominantly featuring a Nicaraguan.

Carolla
Guys who are mistaken for Jews who do boxing films. All of a sudden I've cracked the top 50.

Teresa
You own it.

Carolla
I own it. Yea. So there you go. And like I said why would you let the 47th and 247th podcast come on a perennial top ten show? Retard, chicken, pussy, cowards. You know what, I’m calling you yellow.

Bald Bryan
After all that?

Carolla
We don’t call men yellow very much anymore but I’m calling you yellow.

Bald Bryan
Yellow or yella?

Carolla
Yella! There you go.


The jizz references are regarding Simmons' last appearance on June 8th Carolla podcast when they along with Donny (Adam's friend and colleague) discuss fake jizz and porn.

Now ESPN, Bill Simmons, adult content and banning have been together before. Last fall Simmons mentioned Christian Sings the Blue (a blog for a male pornstar) and mentioned he'd like to have him join his fantasy basketball league. ESPN squashed that and the part in Bill's next podcast where he explained what happened.

Deadspin and The Big Lead have received emails from Simmons where he denies becoming banned from the show. But Teresa, who discusses meeting Simmons and asking him for writing tips (which led Carolla to start his rant) says Bill told her he was banned. So...

1) Simmons is telling the truth and Teresa is lying.
2) Simmons is telling the truth and Teresa misspoke or misheard.
3) Simmons is lying and Teresa is telling the truth.
4) Carolla is telling the truth or lying about Dameshek being banned.

Regardless what really happened... I'm pretty sure Adam Carolla is now banned from ESPN podcasts.

UPDATE: Dameshek tells Deadspin that he wasn't aware of any ban. Also Simmons chimes in on Twitter. "[Carolla] poured gasoline on a four-inch bonfire."

Four-inch bonfire? Where there's smoke there's...? So maybe ESPN did intervene even a little? Still interested in Carolla's response, which will probably happen Tuesday at the earliest.

UPDATE #2: Deadspin chimes in with excerpts from yesterday's abbreviated (and censored) ESPN chat with The Sports Guy. Simmons again asserts he wasn't banned by ESPN, instead suggesting he hasn't appeared on Carolla's podcast because it's a far drive to Adam's warehouse where the podcast is recorded. Frankly, that doesn't make sense. Simmons and Carolla are good friends and Bill has done the podcast three times previously. Still nothing from Carolla camp. If he does respond I'm sure the sports blogosphere will hear about it...

UPDATE #3: Dameshek, who no longer has a podcast on ESPN and is now on Accuscore, appears on the November 25th podcast and claims another ESPN personality was barred from going onto Carolla's podcast. Dave denies being formally banned from the WWL and says he has no knowledge about Simmons' situation.